Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
