got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
