Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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