Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
