Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
