All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
