Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize