Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
