It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
