the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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