His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
