You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize