Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
