ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
