38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
