I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
