so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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