I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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