We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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