i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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