I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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