and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
