I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
