i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
