Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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