apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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