somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
