I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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