I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
