just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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