Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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