I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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