carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
