1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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