I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
