Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
