I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
