You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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