It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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