While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
