ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
