Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
