Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
