his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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