I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
