First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
