i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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