and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize