i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
