I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As shirtless as possible
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
