Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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