you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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