so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
