theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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