Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
