Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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