do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
