Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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