it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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