Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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