her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
