well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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