Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
