You smell like a Billy Joel song
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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