I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
