Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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