we have pet lesbian snakes
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
