When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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