Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
