So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
