Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
