i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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