Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sex in a hospital.. check
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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