Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
