I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
