you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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