Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
