This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
