Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize