When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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