I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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