I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
